pompasaurus' Journals on Buzznet

I have been on a horror movie kick lately

pompasaurus — 2009-04-07T17:32:00Z

Why I Didn’t Break the Lease

You tried out the old shtick first,
breaking plates, flickering lights,
carving pentagrams on little Janey’s arms.
I attributed our lack of dinnerware
to Richard’s drunken stumbling, the lights
to his drunken wiring, and let’s face it,
Janey has always been a deeply emotional child.
You regrouped. Month two I answered Skype
to your cut phone lines, Windex to your
mirror tricks, Anbien to your nightmares.
Month three you began to understand,
swapping my microbrews for Keystone Light,
my Criterion collection for copy after copy
of Kazaam, and although I took note
of the dinner party switcheroo, most
of Richard’s family are quite provincial
and preferred the Ho Hos and Ding Dongs
to my white piedmont truffles. Month four
I googled you. I recognized you from your
moustache. In the photo, you are standing
behind the house, digging a grave in dungarees.
I must say, you looked very rugged. I am always
asking Richard to grow a moustache, but
you know how men are. Months five through eight,
I humored you. I sent Janey to Space Camp
so we could have more time alone. Richard
was working the nightshift. I bought flowing
white nightgowns and a sprinkler system.
I bought a shower curtain with mirrored panels.
I didn’t spend much time being dry.
You went back to breaking plates.
Of course, I was hurt. I didn’t understand
until month nine, doing laundry I discovered
the ectoplasm stains on Rickard’s khakis.
You slut. Months ten and eleven I was planning.
At the end of month twelve I moved out.
I hope you and Richard have a grand time
doing whatever it is fans of Keystone Light
and coveralls do. I’ve found a lovely new property.
It used to be a fraternity house before the accident.
I won’t be needing your company any more.

My Funny Valentine

pompasaurus — 2009-01-31T20:08:00Z

I made my first ever playlist!
Listen here

Here's me an my Valentine:

Who's your date for d-day?

Everything Must Go

pompasaurus — 2008-10-29T10:58:00Z

The first thing we’ll lose is promise.
It’s in motion already, the step, ball, change,
Cutout footprints fading from first to last.
Your hand is the first thing you give
And we dance so fast I forget
The torn floor behind us, the path of loss.

My mind is a burning library. I lose
Albums of your eyes. The book of promises.
Some mornings in the mirror I forget
How my face got this way, the small changes
leading here. Sometimes the day gives
only time. Sometimes all I do is last.

There are so many things I shouldn’t forget.
I save your breath in jars and hope they last
But when I’m hard up I pawn them for change
and only a warm wind reminds me of the loss.
I splurge in guilt for heaving baskets of promises,
wait under their weight until my arms give.

If I didn’t know what you wanted, I’d give
warm silk like your skin. I’d let myself forget,
let the memories slip, all my promises
grow slack. I’d say this time is the last,
that if you’re in me, you can’t be lost
that you collect in me like a fountain fills with change.

But you won’t need a mirror to see the changes.
They’ll stack up, the directions you give
when I am a block from our house and lost
The way I play it as a quirk as I forget
how you hurt your hand, how the last
time I cried I held against my face the same promise.

Places, then novels, the order of loss can change
If I keep only one promise of all I’ve given
let it be this; that I will forget you last.

Pet Project

pompasaurus — 2008-09-15T20:01:00Z

I built the bear from what I knew of horses. I didn’t know running except towards joy so I molded his legs as sinewed spindles. When he was done, his mouth seemed too long, the slope of his spine distinctly equine but when I called him Bear he answered. I fed him warm milk in the morning and biscuits before bed. He slept beside me with his muzzle nuzzled into the hollow of my chest. We lived alone, Bear and I, in a wooden house away from town. Bear seemed to like this, would tread the perimeter till the grass dried in a halo. When the rain came we found ourselves with a moat. Bear seemed pleased with this, would huddle closer to me in bed, would wake before me and watch me shudder in sleep. The truth is, I didn’t know horses. I had no books but mirrors and a few yellowed photographs of what I’d left. Bear grew and I noticed things. A familiar glint in his eye I must have carved, a restless twitch about his mouth. One morning I awoke to find Bear’s clawed paw on my naked thigh, three lines of dried blood he’d drawn in sleep. I had to chase him out then, through the door and across the moat where he didn’t pause. I had fixed his eyes forward like mine so he could never look back.

The day my left ear turned outside in

pompasaurus — 2008-09-04T21:04:00Z

I didn’t notice at first.
The woman on the bus
screaming into her phone
don’t pay me don’t pay me
the bum on the street
offering me change, mumbling
you’re a wonderful person.
I thought, I am. I thought
this green fuel thing is the right thing
if the cars are all humming lullabies.
Everyone at my kiosk wanted to buy
everything but as their faces grew red
and they stormed out, I began to feel
a bit off. In the employee bathroom
I tucked back a greasy strand and saw.
The flesh inverted and rising
like a conch. I teased and sprayed
to hide the deformity, but the change
blared in at me from my left. My mother
called to say I was living up
to my potential, that my financial situation
was admirable, that I should marry
a poor man who loved me and had
tattoos of exotic women swimming
down his forearms. I left work early.
On the bus, most everyone was
wishing for higher gas prices,
for a bus strike and a pay cut.
An old woman with a cane smiled
at me through loose dentures,
I hope they cut this line.
I detest visiting my grandchildren.
At home I toiled with pliers
and magnets. Nothing worked.
Don’t say anything, I pleaded
over the phone, just hurry home.
He arrived in his cloak of smog
but I couldn’t explain. He held me,
whispered, I love you.
Really.

Legacy

pompasaurus — 2008-09-01T11:41:00Z

I know how to disappear.
I learned it from my mother
who learned it from her mother
and my great grandmother
who went poof! one night
right in the middle of dinner.
After that, my grandmother went,
in between white sheets hanging
on a line in the yard, poof!
Then my mother as she held me
in the hospital, leaving me squirming
on her flattened gown. Even as a baby,
I could see how it was done.
At home, I would catch the men
standing outside at night with their palms
turned upwards. Once a cousin brought home
a magic kit and everyone howled for days.
When I left, they watched me with binoculars,
the horizon dotted with reflecting eyes.
Here, no one believes me. They laugh
at me at dinner parties, spilling their drinks.
They tell me to prove it, and I would.
But it’s the kind of trick you can only do once.

Fondo fondo fondo

pompasaurus — 2008-06-15T12:25:00Z

So I´m still in Mexico and still alive. The passing of this week marks:

The longest I´ve been away from my own bed

The longest I´ve been away from my family/ friends

The longest I´ve gone without drinking tap water

Yesterday we went to the Aguas Calientes outside of San Miguel. It was amazing. They had a tunnel built of cobblestones that you could wade through. At the end it opened up to a hot spring with a domed roof. Sun was coming in through spaces in the brick sending rays down through the steam. Might be the coolest place I´ve ever been.

Estoy en Guanajuato ahora

pompasaurus — 2008-06-06T14:40:00Z

Si eres Mexicano y quieres platicar conmigo, voy a estar viviendo en Embajadores en Guanajuato por seis semanas. Dar mi un text si quieres pasar tiempo conmigo o da mi un mensaje de Buzznet. Mi numero para texts es 412 805 0444 y es norteamericano. Todavia no puedo comprender como usar el telefono jaja.

¡Viva mi vida nuevo en Guanajuato!

pompasaurus — 2008-06-01T18:38:00Z

Hi everyone (especialmente mis amigos mexicanos)

This Wednesday I'll be leaving for Mexico. I'll be living here:

Although I've already graduated from university with two majors, my spanish major won't technically be complete untill I finish this study abroad program, which is why I'm going.

Things I'm looking forward to:
Improving my spanish
Discovering new foods
Meeting new people
Partying with the other kids in the program
Being a rare ginger
Getting a tan
Taking photos
Living somewhere without a Walmart

Things that I'm scared of:
Saying something offensive since my spanish isn't so great
Getting kidnapped by drug lords (actually this is my mother's fear)
Forgetting not to drink the water
Getting lost in the desert
While lost in the desert, getting bit by a snake
Living with a host family that doesn't let me do anything fun/ make me pray with them
Losing my passport
People misunderstanding my adorable quirkiness as plain awkwardness

I've never been to another country and I've never been away from home for this long. Here is my new address if anyone lives in Mexico and wants to hang out:

732-8835
La casa del fondo
Puertecitos
Embajadoras
36000

Does anyone have any advice?

What's going on in my life

pompasaurus — 2008-04-16T16:13:00Z

I should be revising a paper on biological laws and preparing a Spanish presentation on maras or "youth gangs" in Central America. I tried to take an hour nap at 9pm and woke up at 2am. I have no idea what'll get done now.

What's up with me:

I've been offered a job as a personal assistant to a published author. Met her today and it turns out she recognized me from karaoke at Ryan's Pub. I think we'll get on just fine. I'll be helping to edit her forthcoming novel and prepare her startup. I'll also be helping out at City Paper to prepare for their Local Motion Fashion Show. Last year's summer job consisted of folding panties at Victoria's Secret. Upgrade.

I'm also studying abroad June 5- July 18 in Guadajuato, Mexico. I won't know the family I'm staying with until I arrive in Mexico, and that's got me a bit stressed out. Also, I'm not 100% fluent and it seems to be a sink or swim type of program so I plan on getting headaches.

My internship with Take Back the Hill ends soon. Basically, I've been working with middle school aged kids in the Hill District to compile material for and publish a zine based on their identities and their community. The strangest part about working with kids I think is the moment when you realize you're looking for their approval. Also, I forgot a girl's name last week and felt awful. These kids basically show up with the preconception that you're there to punch a time card and don't give a shit about them and when you forget one of their names it feels like you're proving them right. Other than that, it's gone pretty well. The kids seem to enjoy the projects and the directors say they're impressed. We're trying to get funding for the fall so the program can continue and larger movements are being made to organize a more widespread network of tutors and after school programs. Pittsburgh has such a large population of college students living so close to problematic schools that there's no reason why there shouldn't be more of a network. (If anyone is interested in helping out with this, let me know and I can put you in touch with some people.)

My sister is moving to Mt Washington to a loft apt converted from a church. Can't blame her. After my pap moved in to my parents' house it's been hard on everyone. I'm moving to Forest Hills with the first friend I made in high school.

All my friends seem to be getting engaged or married. I feel ambivalent about this.